Making Better Decisions

"One way of being alive is to be mindful of the changing seasons..." William Zinsser

This is a season of powerful decisions. The school year is almost finished. Scores of final decisions are being made for summer jobs, camps, and vacations, also choices of various schools for next year.

On a recent flight from St. Louis to Atlanta, a stranger sitting next to me, a woman, asked if I was heading home or out of town. Our voices shared a familiar accent, southern, definitely not native St. Louis. Her questions about my trip were friendly, so I mentioned that I was headed to a large one-day leadership conference, which led to questions about where I work.

To serve in a leadership role at a place like Westminster Christian Academy, currently located in Creve Coeur, soon to be Town & Country, often means being asked questions about leadership or what it means to raise children in today's world. Turns out her eldest daughter is about to enter kindergarten, and she has been amazed at how many people are making school choices for their four year old children based upon what future high school they will attend.  Our conversation was punctuated by the plane leveling off from it's rapid climb and she said that she was going to take a nap. She turned her face to the window, I opened my book. End of conversation.

Five minutes later, as if unable to sleep, she turned back to me and said, "So how do you make a good decision about what school your child should attend?"

I'm sure there is a top ten list of best answers you could give my airplane stranger. There are test scores to consider, pedagogical philosophies to review, programs to weigh and balance. The list of distinguished alumni, don't forget to review that, and the potential network of future employers. There are Public vs. Private options, tuition and the value proposition, return on investment...so many different angles from which to consider this question.

I believe all these details have their time and place, but whether you are a mother or a father, single parent or married, I believe questions about your children are leadership questions. How do you, as a leader in your family, approach such questions?

At a fundament level, leadership decisions are made at the intersection of your vision and values. While you may not yet evaluate decisions about your children in this way, this is crucial for the choices presented during seasons of life.

I'm convinced that parents today, you and me and my wife included, are too often putting our decision-making energy into things that are momentary and quickly passing away. What happened between you and that other kid in the hallway today? Why did you do this? Why didn't you do that? Why did the coach make that decision? Why is the teacher being so hard on you? Why aren't you practicing more, studying more, socializing less?

There is tremendous danger in making decisions at this level. While today, each of these feels important, their significance fades away ten, twenty, or thirty years from now.

The framework for our decisions must be our vision and values. What is your vision for your son or daughter? What is the end goal? What does success look like for you as a family? What values do you hold for your life, and what values do you hope they will carry forward?

There is a frightening aspect of making decisions as a parent. Our children are individuals, growing ever more capable of making their own decisions. The older they grow, the more powerful their decisions become.

I shared all this with my new friend on that flight to Atlanta and challenged her to look beyond the decisions of any given day. Think about the long term vision and make choices that surround your child with those that will love her well and influence her for good. People who share your most treasured values will shape her mind and heart in ways that go beyond your limitations as a parent.

The gift and opportunity to lead your family well means to make decisions in light of a lifetime of significant choices ahead. How do you make your decisions?

Questions: How do you look beyond the challenges of today and make sure your decisions add up to the right long-term goal? You can leave your comments below.